I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
zippers are such a cool invention
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
