My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
