My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
