I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
