Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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