Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
