Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
