How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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