i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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