Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
