You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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