i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sext me about skeletons
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
