i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's always time for handjobs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
