nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
