The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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