my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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