I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
