Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
