I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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