just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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