Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
