Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize