Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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