i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
