I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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