Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
