Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
