Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
