i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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