wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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