we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
