Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
