Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
