Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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