Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
