Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
