So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
