he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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