Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
