guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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