I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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