Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
