My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
