and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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