Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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