My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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