Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
