chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
