So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
