After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize