I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
