Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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