No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
