she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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