Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
