she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
