you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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