smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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