The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Actions speak louder than pants.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
