Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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