i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
