My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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