You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
