my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
