I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
