Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
