every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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