I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
