He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
