you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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