His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
