Nicole vs. Life
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
