IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
