I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize