That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
And then he peed in my hair
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