I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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