This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
