I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
