Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is my gift to your gina
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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