Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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