They should really pass out barf bags in church
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
