I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
