i think my tv is drunk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
