Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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