I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
