Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
