dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
