I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
