I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
