your parents love me but you hate me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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