Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize