maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
