but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
