Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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