We won't sleep together?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
