holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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