i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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