Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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