That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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