Someone shit on the floor
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
