I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
